Saturday, March 22, 2008

Nostalgia

I've been wasting the last few hours in front of my computer, perusing Facebook. A certain group of people who lived in my freshman dorm formed a pretty tight clique during college, and my friends and I resented them and their sometimes out-of-control antics. I knew at the time (but wouldn't admit then) we were insecure and kinda wished that we could be part of the whole dynamic.

I bring this up only because since graduation I've constantly felt as though my college experience was a kind of dream, something I vaguely remember but didn't exactly experience. That is partially due to the non-cohesion of my group of friends--the aforementioned group still stays in touch and participates in each others' weddings, but the people whom I considered my closest friends in college either don't talk to me anymore or are far away and doing their own things with people to whom they have grown much closer. (I'll write about the "not talking to me" thing in another post. I've got issues there, too.)

I'm not wallowing in self-pity here; I'm amazed. I'm impressed that some people can maintain their friendships over distance and time and foster that "group identity" feeling even when the group doesn't physically exist anymore.
And I'm envious and a little sad.

I'm trying to grasp why I even care about this and it's difficult to define. Here's an attempt at what I've got thus far:

We all crave validation for our existences; we have to feel as though we matter, and the only way to do that is through other people. You only gain meaning when you share what you
feel and what you experience with others. When you're part of a group, your life becomes bigger than what occurs in your skull and is now an inextricable part of other people's existences, of their lives and their experiences. There's a sense of security there, of having your life linked with others'. If you lose those connections (or worse, you realize they're invalid), your experiences untether and you lose meaning.

So that's why college has no meaning for me. I think. It could be bullshit.

No comments: