So...
I'm in Seattle. I've matched. I'm an intern. No, it's not like Grey's Anatomy--I'm not nearly that pretty, that melodramatic (most of the time), or that over-sexed (unfortunately). Nor do I have the time or patience to put makeup on and do my hair when I am supposedly on call.
And I am stressed. I am tired. No, I'm exhausted. And I've been casting around for answers and trying to figure things out, asking myself the big questions. I may have freaked out a few times. I may have freaked out 10 times. I may have run home to my family in desert-land when it got really tough, and they may have welcomed me home, arms open, no questions asked.
I don't have all the answers. I am trying as hard as I can to do the best I can for my patients. I am succeeding sometimes. I am trying not to take it too personally when I am criticized because I know I can always always learn and improve. These things are hard for me.
One of the hardest things, though, is that I hurt someone very dear to me. I have thought a lot about this over the past 9 months, and gods do I regret it. Here's the thing, though--I did go home to desert land, and I did see my family, and I realized that he is an essential part of it.
Originally I wrote something to him here, but I think I should tell it to him instead. Y'all will just have to stay tuned. Wish me luck. ;-)
